Words

    

I recently had the distinct pleasure of taking Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. It was a very informative course and we’re working through the process of implementing much of what we learned while taking the course. I highly recommend taking it, or, at the very least, check out his book The Total Money Makeover.

One thing in particular that Dave said that has stuck with us is the idea that since cash weighs more than a credit card, we will notice the difference in paying with cash more than we would by swiping the card. And man, was he right. Going to the bank to take out the money that we would normally have spent via our debit card was such a weird feeling. Later, when we needed to hand over several bills to pay for something we would normally just swipe and go, it felt much more difficult to spend that money. Even going out to dinner felt different when we paid with cash over using the card. On the one hand, handing over half our entertainment money for the month hurt a little, but on the other hand, I found myself giving more of a tip than I normally would have, as if I wanted someone else to enjoy the weight I was letting go of.

I know – totally weird, right?

I wish I could say my $1.18 a day Diet Dew habit weighed me down enough to stop. Alas, when I try, I still go on and Dew it…

You saw that joke coming, right?

The main point of this post, however, isn’t about Financial Peace University or Dave Ramsey. What I really want to discuss is something else that has weight but I believe is taken for granted much of the time.

This particular thing technically has no weight and could be said to be lighter than air. However, this particular object has the power of life and death, healing and wounding, and in certain situations, the key to immortality.

Neil Kennedy told a story at a Men’s get together wherein his daughter had said to him that she 
needed a new phone. He in return corrected her, by telling her that she wanted a new phone, but didn’t need one.

And there is the crux of my discussion. Words.

They can slice, dice and even make Julian cry.

Who is Julian, you ask? I don’t know – I thought he came with you.

While there’s plenty in our global bowl of dialect-o’s to decipher as awesome or dangerous, it is the words we piece together that are in truth deceptions that are tolerated, even ignored, although their implication and intention are often heavier than our response suggests.

Phrases like “I can’t…”, “I need…”, or “I have to…” can imply that the speaker has no choice in the matter and their desire to do or not do something is restricted by a force or situation that has  held them against their will or they could die if they don’t receive or get something right now.

Right. This. Second.

I’m not saying that any time these words are put together that someone is being misleading. Not at all. We all have moments when we truly need something or can’t do something. However, I do think that there are plenty of times these little beauties are dropped not to imply the lack of anything but patience or desire.

For example:  Can’t

“I can’t help you…” Enter whatever you’re being asked to do and the excuse you want to support the reason why you can’t here. Here are some doozies I’ve heard (and sadly, possibly may have even used at one point in time).

“I can’t help you move. I have to mow the lawn.” Ok, I can admit my lawn gets pretty gnarly when the weather’s been wet and when I start to hear jungle sounds outside the windows, I begin to develop a sense of urgency. Still, I think most people needing help to move would agree this is a bad excuse, and at most, it’s a lie. A truer statement might be, “I’m sorry. I would rather cut my lawn than help you move.”

But that’s not very nice thing to say, D? True enough, and while honest, it isn’t exactly a very loving thing to tell someone. So maybe the lie is meant to spare someone the awful feeling of being told that they are a lower priority than the always-gonna-be-there-Bermuda grass?

Mmhmm. Yeah. Not exactly better in my book…

“I can’t finish that now. I have to get a haircut.” While your scalp may not grow grass as long as your yard will, I’m betting the old pompadour grease and swirl will wait another day.

“I can’t help you shampoo the carpet. I have a date.” Seriously? If it takes you all day to prepare for a date, you are already starting too late and should consider calling it off because she might be too good for you.

Unless it’s a date with your wife. Then this is obviously a true life-or-death situation AND she IS too good for you. As you were.

However, ask yourself – if you stated these situations another, possibly more honest way like “I could but I don’t want to” or “I could but I have other things I have set as a higher priority”, would that make you feel a little different about the situation? About yourself?

Next on the hit parade: Need

Finish this sentence: “I Need…”

If the next word isn’t Jesus, God, or a prayer, stop. The fact that you’re reading this implies you have the capability to survive not having whatever it is you are putting as the subject of your desire and death may only be imminent because you’re reading this while you’re driving or walking.

Yes, there are sincere needs. I just listed 3 of them. Yes, there are times when we truly feel we need something that we don’t actually need, but the desire for it is enough to ball up in the gut. Rent, gas money and food are enough to trigger the need response for sure.

But even those, as precious as they may seem, are not akin to dying if you don’t have them. Yes, there are plenty of people who need those things or they’re going to be in serious trouble. Many times this happens because people don’t want to ask for help or may not know how or who to ask. I know I don’t. No matter how bad I might need it, I hate to ask for anything. Thankfully, I’ve gotten over some of that pride stuff thanks to the Big Man upstairs. If you truly are in need of something, ask. Ask a local church, food bank, or social services. That’s what they’re there for – to help you in times of need.

If however what you need is to be patient and wait until that thing you want so bad comes your way, you might notice a change in your tone when you state “I want”. Saying “I want” all the time instead of “I need” creates a sense of recognition in perhaps how selfish we might be.

“I have to…”

Breathe air? Drink water? Eat food? Beyond these and a few that involve shelter, your family and maybe your job, saying I have to is very similar to I need – I have to do this thing, with my will or against it, else I shall perish from existence. Oh woe is me!

I had a point here – I swear!

The best way I can say this is straight out. If you say “I can’t” when you don’t want to, “I need” when you just want something really bad, or “I have to” when you’re simply choosing to make something a higher priority in your decision making process, own up to it.

No, I am not suggesting you be honest in the sense that you hurt others in the process, although maybe you should so they at least know where they really stand with you.

Be honest with yourself first. Is there truly a reason why you can’t do something, or is it because you don’t want to be inconvenienced? If it’s the latter, then you should go ahead and do it. You’ll probably find that when all is said and done, you’ll feel better than you did before you agreed, especially if that something is helping someone else. Even if it’s something you shouldn’t do, saying “I can’t” implies you’re powerless when in truth, you’re not. Exclaim your weakness to the world and ask someone to join up with you and can help you through it.

Psalm 34:13 says, “keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies.”

Recognize the weight of your words. Examine your words and judge for yourself what the truth is in comparison to what is being said and demand, even if it is only from yourself, that the truth and only the truth be spoken.

In time, you might find yourself with more people to hang out with that have to have nothing more from you than your company, and you don’t need anything more urgently than the One who brought you this far and the One who always provides exactly what you need.

What do you think?